During the upcoming NBA season, I will be writing a weekly report on the Houston Rockets – also known as the most interesting team in basketball. With a who gives a shit defensive philosophy and Mike D’Antoni as a head coach, the apocalypse of professional basketball as we know it is near. The soap opera begins with a preview of each player.

ICYMI: [Patrick Beverley is good at pissing people off]

Act II: Pablo Prigioni

The Maestro is back in Clutch City – rejoice, Rockets fans, rejoice!

Prigioni, who by some miracle of God was playing 14 minutes per game last year with the Clippers, agreed to a two-year, $2.5 million deal with Houston this offseason. The contract – if Houston picks up the team option in year two – will expire when the point guard is 41 years old. Or, in other words, Prigioni is old as shit!

Even though everyone in the league seems to realize he’s old as shit, there’s a scenario in which he plays 15 minutes a night because Mike D’Antoni masturbates to pace and speed. And if there’s one thing Prigioni has, it’s pace and speed when dribbling up the court. It’s Steve Nash 2.0 in the flesh. (Even though he can’t shoot from the outside and is too small to finish in traffic).

Last year, he spelled Chris Paul when the all-star needed a break from wasting his career watching DeAndre Jordan miss free throws. The Argentinian’s per-36 minutes stats weren’t awful: 6.3 ppg, 5.7 apg, 2.3 spg, 52% fg and 88% ft, but he wasn’t much of a threat from beyond the arc – shooting just 30% – and since the Rockets only pop three-balls or layups, it’s probably not going to go too smooth.

Whatever, though, because he’s also one of the best interviews in the league:

He also has no earthly idea what color he should wear because he’s been on so many teams in the past five seasons!

Or, maybe he’s practical and doesn’t believe in wasting a pair of nice purple Nikes.

Whatever the case, It’ll be nice to see Prigioni back in Rocket red. On several occasions, especially when D’Antoni thinks it’s a good idea to have him in at point guard in the fourth quarter, I’ll regret saying that, but, hey, long live Pablo’s career.


Look at those hands!

It’s not that fucking hard, DeAndre.

You knew we were going to end with it! The Maestro in Houston – what could possibly go wrong?

NEXT UP: Clint Capela