Rejoice and be glad, Cleveland!! What an absolute time to be alive. Your Cleveland Indians are going back to the World Series for the first time since 1997 and it is absolutely rocking in the 216 right now. The Indians are an AWESOME baseball team, which we’ll talk about later, but they weren’t the story of the night. The Cubs winning by one hundred runs was awesome, but that wasn’t the story of the night either. Not having to listen to Hillary and Donald argue anymore is awesome, but that wasn’t even the story of the night. The story of the night is that the demise of Lebron James has officially begun right in his own backyard. That, my friends, is something more important than any win or loss, and this is something we can all come together and celebrate. Let’s take a look.
First of all, the Indians are so awesome for baseball. I hope that in less than a week the Cubs are marching in to Progressive Field and we’re back at war with Cleveland, but that doesn’t mean I’m blind folks. I mean just go up and down this lineup. Francisco Lindor, awesome. Kipnis, Ramirez, Santana, Davis, Napoli, all awesome. Watching old man Coco Crisp hit home runs for his old team that brought him back along for this ride is awesome. And, of course, Terry Francona is just one of the best people the sport of baseball has to offer. I really hope that come Tuesday night each one of these guys is public enemy number 1 in my book, but anybody who is a fan of the game should love this team. A small market franchise with all the right pieces in place.It’s all smiles right now for the Tribe.
Now, that’s enough love for the Tribe, back to business. Did they know that from June of 1995 to April of 2001, the Indians sold out every single home game? 455 consecutive sellout games! Thome, Vizquel, Manny Ramirez, Sandy Alomar, those guys put asses in every single seat for 455 straight games. However, the Tribe have been in the bottom 15-20% in league attendance average ever since. No, that has nothing to do with the Indians having bad teams for the better part of a decade, that’s the Lebron James effect people! This clown shows up and all the sudden everybody starts spending their ticket money on his games rather than the Tribe. We can’t all be St. Louis Cardinals fans and be the best in baseball year in year out, but the love for the Tribe went down a considerable amount! This team’s success serves as a huge reminder for all. A reminder that once upon a time, the Cleveland Indians were the heart and soul of the city, and this is the team that can save each and every one of them.
Before the Cavs won the Finals, Lebron James was undoubtedly the worst thing to ever happen to the city of Cleveland. Anybody with a brain from sea to shining sea knows that. They crowned him their King and then he abandoned them. Dan Gilbert spit in his face, this happened
and they were all outspoken haters. But then, desperate for a Championship, they took him back. Now they’ve got him giving pump up speeches before Indians games! For heaven’s sake the man is a YANKEES fan!! We don’t have enough time to go in to depth about all this right now, but I needed to briefly mention a few things to make my point.
This Indians team is the best thing to happen to Cleveland and to us. This team is a bunch of mercenaries sent to free each and every one of their souls. Seeing pictures and videos of old people celebrating the Tribe and seeing how much joy it brings to them, it’s absolutely special!! Knowing that those fans sat through hot July afternoons in the summer of 1998 finally made me realize that these guys don’t actually like Lebron. They aren’t aliens, or a different species, they’re people just like you and me. They have feelings, they have a conscience, they don’t like that guy. All they wanted was a championship and he gave it to them.
So, if this team wins the World Series, Lebron is dead! This team did it right, they’ve been in the city from day one, and they’re at the core of every single one of their hearts as a fan. If they win it, they’ll all finally wake up from their deep sleep. What use is Lebron James to them anymore?! They’ll get their championship from the team that’s always been there to do it. Maybe I’m crazy, but I promise you Clevelanders that if this team wins the World Series, you’ll wake up. You’re all under a spell, and this team is here to save you. If the Cleveland Indians win the World Series, I predict Lebron James will be no more. He’ll be out on the streets, he’ll have nowhere to go (Collin Cowherd will probably take him in), and the Tribe will have Made Cleveland Great Again. So God Bless baseball and God bless the Cleveland Indians! Roll Tribe (Except if you’re playing the Cubs) (God you better hope you don’t play these guys)
Lebron, if you’re reading this, I didn’t mean any disrespect. I know that you are a father of three kids, and I would never cross the line.