• What. A. Start.

Sure the two games on national television sucked, but, if you put down your beer money on NBA League Pass, you got to fuck with Trail Blazers-Jazz!

Here are 10 observations (definitely overreactions) from night one.

  1. We’re Crabbe people now, Dee -If you found yourself pinching your hands together to mimic a claw every time Portland wing Allen Crabbe knocked down a shot, then congratulations! You are now part of the Crabbe club. The California alumnus drilled four of five from deep and exploded for 18 off the bench. He also played in meaningful minutes down the stretch signalling the Crabbe show is here to stay!
  2. Knicks are gonna Knicks – Derrick Rose was inefficient. Joakim Noah may have well not crossed halfcourt. Carmelo Anthony dribbled too deep into the shot clock. Porzingis didn’t get the ball enough. Never change, Knicks, never change.
  3. Lebron James is still good -A triple-double to open the NBA season is pretty cool.
  4. Charles Barkley is still the best – Every informed NBA fan knows Sir Charles spews bullshit out of his ass most of the time, but god is it great to have him back. From making fun of an overly tan dude at the Portland game to ripping Ernie for his Atlanta bias, Charles Barkley is must-watch television.
  5. The Warriors are the best team in basketball – Yes, even though they lost a game.
  6. Who the fuck is Jonathon Simmons? – A quick wikipedia search tells me he’s a 27-year-old basketball player who balled collegiantly at Paris Junior College, Midland College and Houston. Okay. He also scored 20 points in a Spurs win last night while putting up a fucking ridiculous +33. He dunks well too.
  7. Noah Vonleh can shoot – Dude scored 11 points on 5 of 5 shooting. He also showed range. Remember, this dude was so bad last year he was ranked in the 300s of NBA rank.
  8. Rudy Gobert is really raw – I like Rudy Gobert. He’s good sometimes. He also can’t figure out what to do in the post and was moot last night because Damian Lillard finished around him about eight times. Gobert still has a long way to go.
  9. Joe Johnson comeback tour is already in full swing – The always-overpaid Joe Johnson scored 29 points for the Jazz last night! Buy tickets for his career resurrection tour at the nearest city quick!
  10. The Spurs are going to win 60-plus games again, aren’t they? – Even after adding Pau Gasol and David Lee the Spurs will still find a way.